I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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