you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
