I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
