So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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