Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
