ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
