I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
