She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
