Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
