ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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