Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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