I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
