last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
