Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
