Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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