Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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