I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This show inspires me to have sex in space
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Everyone says I win the strip club
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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