I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
