we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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