if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
pop tarts are not kleenex
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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