So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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