I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
