yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
