So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
