:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
