I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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