How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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