i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
