the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
