I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
honey bunches of taint.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
