some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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