Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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