Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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