all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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