it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
