You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
