If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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