If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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