so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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