Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
this will be a night to untag.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
