Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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