apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We are all done wearing pants today
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
