so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
