i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
