I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
