so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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