I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
