I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
