I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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