I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
