you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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