Just cropdusted the office
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
